Today I set the ball rolling to finish my current job. Ive been unhappy for a long time now with my employers direction. Not my place to question the ethics of another but a moral hurdle if I stay and become a part of it.
We have been a loggerheads for sometime now and i don't know why I stuck it out for so long. There has been a restructure and the writing is on the wall for me or more to the point my ideals.
What amazed me why I took so long to realise I wasn't one of them any longer. I'm disappointed with myself more than anyone. I pride myself in reading what is going on but I became over time blind to stupidity.
This is my thoughts and how this has been for me. It is not a judgement on actions or morality for we have different motivations and reactions to life.
So I'm angry at myself for entering into this moral dilemma whereby I was asked to pit myself against my workmates and or friends.
This thinly veiled excuse for a downsize is morally corrupt where the company asks you to justify your position then judges you against your fellows for no better reason than reducing the work force.
I fort hard to make myself do this and am now ashamed that I entered into the folly. My one and dominating thought during the process was how to face the ones the company dreamed not worthy of continued employment. I was genuinely worried for my friends during the whole charade as many of them needed the job more than me some have young children some have mortgages and others have carrier plans hanging on the hope of continued employment. I nearly didn't compete but some thing stopped me I now wish with all my heart I had listened to my inner voice as it was right.
I look in the mirror and am happy with who I am warts and all for I now know my moral dignity was challenged for a real reason and I feel happy with who walked out the other side.
But I am still ashamed I let myself get drawn into the vicious game of proving my worth to fools.
To sum it up Im going to resign more to the point Ive asked for a leaving package and i will get this next week.
Im excited with the prospect of a new life and the challenges it brings the weight has been lifted and Im off. Yes Yes Yes.
No looking back now.
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